5k away my Slump.

So, i've read (and been told) that if you can visualise something you can make it happen. As long as you can see yourself working those steps towards whatever your goal is, anything is possible, right?

With this in mind-- I've decided to train to run a 5k. Yes, I am blogging this to the world, so I have to actually do it. Slightly terrifying. I haven't yet booked a race to run-- that's a bit too scary and ambitious for me, but I have actually printed off a training schedule and set a date to get my feet out on the street-- tomorrow. To be honest, the training doesn't look as scary as I had originally envisioned. It's only three days of actual running, two days of exercise and two rest days. Looking at the training that way, its not only doable, but it seems well, a bit crazy I haven't attempted this yet. You know, besides the fact that I don't really like running. But, as much as I 'don't like running' I've found that the more I do actually run the more I enjoy it. Weird, huh?

And this got me to thinking about my goals for 2010-- and why I've hit such a slump.

I've blogged about being unaccomplished this year and floundering, but I never quite put my finger on why and now I think i know why. I've just lost focus. I'm trying to do so many things (and do them well) that I'm just scattered all over the place. So this week, I'm going to try something else. I'm going to try to set my writing goals out onto a schedule just like the 5k training spreadsheet. Will this be just another procrastination tool? I suspect that might be the case-- but I am awake early on a Monday morning writing this blog post-- one of my many goals for the week-- so that's some modicum of success already, right?

So, today's first goal is accomplished. That's something (and done before work). My second goal for today rests on me being able to finish the scene that refuses to be written. Let's hope I'm that successful.

Don't ask me. I'm new here...

When we first started this blog, I admit, I attempted to adopt a tone that was not my own, one advised by one of my compatriots. You may have noticed that when I do post of late, it's been something completely different. The reason being: I really don't have anything I can teach or preach about. I'm still too new at this. This doesn't mean that I don't write or that I don't work on perfecting the craft every day. I do.

But, I'm not a professional writer. And, right now, I'm not likely to be one.

I write because I enjoy it. Not because it's going to make me rich or famous.

I'm not particularly literary. In fact, I've had a teacher despair that I'm “too clinical” for fiction writing, while a professor of biology claimed I was “too emotional” for science.

So why am I here?

Good question, and one I've been asking myself often of late. I've been starting blogposts that I've never published. Why?

Because, I really don't know what to say.

See, unlike writing fiction or poetry, I blog because someone else thought it was a good idea to talk about what it is we were doing.

But for me, I'm afraid it sounds more like what the bard wrote: A tale told by an idiot. All sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Anecdotes, random stories. Thoughts on a book I've read. Really, that's all I've got. And that's not a voice of a teacher. That's the voice of a friend, talking to you about what she's got going on. And hopefully, it's enough. Because that's what I have for you. My unprofessional, random thoughts.

I just hope you don't mind hanging around and letting me know a little about you and your random-and-professional-or-unprofessional thoughts. Talk with us. Genn and Jenny and I would be more than happy to hear from you.

Outlines: Another Side of the Die

Granted, outlines can be useful; I wouldn't outright say that outlines aren't useful.

And I certainly wouldn't say that whatever I have against them involves stifling my creativity.

But, I think there's a time and a place for everything under heaven. And at some point if you haven't set the thing down on paper, creating one is actually more of a procrastination tool than anything else.

That said, I've worked on my own stories both with and without it, and I think that needing one or not, and the format you use (as Mike Chen mentioned not too long ago, when talking about his story webs), depends on the narrative. For me, at least.

My first story was written the whole way through with a kind of non-traditional outline. The story is set in a specific time-frame, and I needed to keep that frame in mind. And so, I set a loose outline of that story up in a day planner. My chapters are less "chapters" and more like what happens each day for my three protagonists. The day-planner approach (I hesitate to call it an outline, but it is one. Kind of.) was really helpful for me in visualizing what was going on and the pacing of my story. But it hasn't worked in all cases, for example, my second story.

For my second story (a Nano-Novel), there was no physical outline. I thought about a day planner, but it didn't fit. I had a plan from the beginning for the over-reaching story arc and while the smaller stories with in it have been developing within that framework, there wasn't an outline set out for the first (or second, or third) of what I hope to be a series of three. I finished the story, ran through a first set of edits and then a second, marking in the text notes for what I wanted to see and when. I had a fairly good idea about the way the story flowed and the way it progressed. I've always been a bit of a patchwork writer anyway and I see the connections between pieces. It's all in my head and I'm good at visualizing where it goes and if it needs to be moved. The big picture.

It wasn't until the three of us sat down and set out a specific deadline for passing around a draft of one of our novels that someone even mentioned outlining, and while I did it to stay in tandem with both Genn and Jenny, I really felt that doing the outline was keeping me from doing what I needed to actually do on my actual story -- do something about all of those notes about "move this here," "eliminate this," or "bring this in here." The only thing the outline I completed has helped me to do is to see where I put the song lyric quotes I still am not convinced I need for most chapters. There are one or two chapters where the song quote is just too perfect to get rid of, which is why I'm still having a bit of a hink about keeping them or not. I broke up a few chapters into smaller pieces, but really, the reason I'd had them together as one before was thematic. I spent most of January working on something that the whole time I was convinced (and am still convinced) that at this point, I don't need. It was far too late for an outline on this story.

My third story, still being written, is also going right along without an outline. But, it's also a story line I've had in my head for a while, and while I've had a few fits on some specific scenes (some characters just don't want to be written out! What cheek!), it's still going right along without one. I know what I need to write next, even if it's hard. And I know what I need to do for the last chapter. I've written some of it already, thanks to another suggestion of Mike's, something I've been leery of letting myself do as it's part of my prior MO with my unfinished novels -- writing scenes out of order. I never used outlines back then, either. I don't think I'm creating an outline for this one. I feel pretty confident I know what's going on the whole story through.

My fourth story (another Nano-Novel), was actually finished before my third story, but it's the second for the series mentioned earlier. I'm still tottering on whether or not this edit is going to need an outline. If I do, should I go with an option -- like with my first novel -- that isn't conventional. The problems with the story were ones I'd realized before I'd finished, much like the earlier Nano-Novel: this one ends abruptly, there stuff missing -- like tension and a plot line. I don't want this to be filler between the first and third stories, so I have to find some way of making this story stand up on it's own, and once I've finished with this round of edits on the second story (confused yet?), I need to roll up my sleeves and figure out some way to breathe life into the inert monster that is this second-of-three-stories. Even so, not having read it over once yet, I'm fairly confident I know what's wrong and what I need to do where. No outline, but an idea of where things go in my head.

A lot of times, I think what really is my bug-a-boo about outlines is that I'm not entirely a lineal thinker. I can keep it all straight in my head, but if I were to create something to show the whole network of plot bits, I'd have to have the software used to plot epidemics (a whole web of connections) or I'd have to create an "idea mobile, with strings connecting each floating piece, or use an erector set with little tags on it for each point at my desk (hmmm... I like this idea. I haven't done that in a while.... where is that erector set...?) -- and that takes up a lot of physical space.

So, I'm still out on whether or not I think outlines are useful or just a procrastination tool. I haven't finished a story because I've had an outline. I've finished a story because I gave myself goals and deadlines and put my butt in the chair and got to work. That's just how I roll....

Although, I could have probably used an outline for this blog post.... ;)

You Had Me at the Headline

So, I was looking at CNN recently and couldn't help but check this out.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2009/10/20/dcl.charlaine.harris.intv.cnn

I actually did find the interview inspiring, from the point of view of an aspiring genre writer. Over the course of it, Charlene Harris talks about her journey to her current genre, things going on in the world of Sookie Stackhouse, and genre writing, particularly the supernatural-mystery genre, and the True Blood TV series. It is, in all a very short interview, but certainly amusing.

And how can you resist this headline: "I like my guys without fangs," Author Says ?

What do you think?

I've Been Workin' on the Railroad....

Okay... perhaps it's not that bad. In fact, I am rather proud of this week's accomplishments, all things considering.

I made my writing goal last week by Thursday (This week: 3600. Onward Ho!) and decided not to push it. Not knowing how much time I would be able to devote to either endeavor over the course of the weekend, I had decided to take a little time during the long ride out to a friend's wedding (CONGRATS AGAIN, JAMES AND AMY!!!) and work on some editing. And boy did I ever. Between the car rides there and back, when I wasn't driving, I was able to finish most of chapter one. I added a little over 3000 words -- which is great because I eliminated a lot, probably about 3000 words or more (and if I continue with the edits that I've been contemplating will be just the start of an entire overhaul of the next four chapters and the elimination of most, if not all of chapter two). I was surprised at how easily it worked. Some trips I find I can't do anything at all, while others have some crazy abundance, maybe to make up for the ones where I sit for seven or more hours in the car (or bus or plane or train) and ask my SO over and over again "are we there yet?" (I fear for the day we have children. He may lose it. Seriously.)

Here is where my confidence lags, though. I honestly wonder if I'll be able to keep this level of productivity up now, and if I do, will I run out of whatever it is that's been buoying me these last few weeks during NANO? Perhaps, perhaps not.

I would feel a little better, going into NANO if I felt some things were off my plate. And if I did more research into what I'll be writing for NANO. It wasn't something I could work on this weekend, because until Sunday night, I was without internet. I suppose part of this shaky confidence is knowing that what I did (and have been doing) is frankly insane in the light of what Jenny and Ginny are doing. What do I think I am, trying to edit and write at the same time?

But, on some level I saw it as a kind of "free time." I'd already done my goals for this week.

On the other hand, if I'd used that free time to work on my current writing story, would I have gotten 3000 more words out of myself (doubling my goals and getting me that much closer to having this finished before NANO)? Or would I have had a car ride of staring at the lovely turning leaves but asking myself as my power slowly dwindled -- on so many levels -- are we there yet?

So, I suppose the ultimate question I'm posing is, is it smart of me to have taken this route this week and divided my time between two worlds, as it were, which may or may not get me closer to eliminating one of the balls in the air in my right hand? Or should I have taken a more decisive step towards finishing the story I'm still writing, thereby moving that ball from my left to my right?

What do you think?

Celebrating the Milestones... and Moving Forward From There

So, I hope everyone out there had a productive week. I sure did. I feel like I might be back in the groove ::fingers crossed::. I beat my goal of 1500 words by almost double. And, I've finally crossed the big 200 page mark on the active story. It feels like I've been pulling teeth to get there this time, especially with the slow summer I've had. I had been starting to worry I'd never get there.

In addition to hitting that hurdle, I've started working on dossiers. And although I haven't done any editing work for either of my finished stories, I feel like I'm back in a fabulous place.

At the beginning of this week, I started thinking about getting ready for NANO.

Get ready for NANO! Isn't that still about a month and a half away? you ask.

No? You're asking what NANO is?

::rubs her hands together::

NANO -- short for NANOWRIMO, or National Novel Writing Month -- is one month of sheer madness. 150 pages or 50,000 words in 30 days, the whole month of November writers everywhere are called to action with the simple premise of literary abandon. It doesn't have to be good right away (that's what NANOEDMO is for a couple of months later). The idea is to get done as much as you can without holding back or going back and editing until you've pulled as many rabbits out of your hat as you can in a month. Jenny, Ginny, and I will all be discussing the finer points of it as it comes and keep you all updated as to our progress, but if you're interested in looking into it now, check it out at www.nanowrimo.org.

So, in preparation for NaNoWriMo, I've made a commitment to up my word counts by 500 words each week. My original plan was to hit 1500 this week, 2000 next week, and so on. However, in light of the successes of the last week, I'm going to go an extra mile. My plan is that if I go past my goal, my new goal for the coming week is set at 500 past wherever I ended with the week prior. So, if I do nothing else this week, my goal will be around 3100 for next week. Seems big, but I had thought 2000 would be beyond me this week and I blew it out of the water.

I'm also going to be doing research for my NANO story, the second novel in the trilogy I started writing during last year's NANO. In the coming weeks, I'll be working up dossiers on all of the characters I know will make an appearance in the second novel (mostly because they made appearances in the previous one). And hopefully, I'll be ready and able when it's time. For now, I'm not going to worry too very much about doing edits -- I'll do a little now, but I think I'll be able to put more focus into it after NANO.

Any of those of you out there with plans for (or are already planning for) NANO?

New Week, New Work

So this week I'm feeling a little better about my "Actively Writing" story. On Mike's advice, I wrote an out-of-sequence scene -- an exercise I haven't done in a while. The scene I created is completely out-of-sequence and when I was done, it made me smile. It was a great moment between two of my favorite characters in this story. And it seems to have lifted some of my block. I have finally (FINALLY!!) finished Chapter 8.

Another thing I'm using to get things going and reorganize both my active story and the stories I'm editing is a character dossier. It's based in part on the character sheets of my youth (Oh, yes, I am a gamer. I know what THAC0 is.) and in part on more official information gathering paperwork. I hadn't really thought about doing these until I was re-reading my murder mystery and saw the part I'd written about the forensic report. I haven't done these in years, but I remember it did help a lot to remind myself of small details I might forget as the story grows longer. And, now that I'm more savvy with computer programs, I can create a web of connections and see where all my relationships are. So I've created a sheet to work with, and now, all I should need to do is fill in the blanks! We'll see if it works with both my writing and editing processes to get things going in the right directions.

I'll tell you how it's going next week!

A Weekend Away....

I hope everyone out there had a great Labor Day weekend. I have to admit, Labor Day weekend always makes me a little sad and restless. It's not that I don't like fall -- actually my two favorite seasons are fall and spring and the riot of color and comfortable weather both bring. It's just that I always feel that I should have gotten more done over the summer.

Mind you, I don't really think of myself as an overachiever. It's just there's something about the "laid back" days of summer, and my memory of vacations that makes me think: I had all this time to do something and did I?

Realistically, I'm not sure how much I can do these days: I don't have "summer vacation" in the old, school time sense. No endless, sun-drenched days of nothing much to do. I work now. Monday through Friday. 9 to 5:30. For someone else, and that certainly controls what I'm doing during those hours, when I'm not at lunch. And my vacations, out of necessity, all surround some holiday or other.

July was pretty much a bust. I reached page 170 in my current "actively writing" story over my brief Independence Day Weekend vacation and then spent the whole rest of July trying to get back to page 170 after realizing that the chapter as written really didn't do anything to move the story forward and if I went back and did it over, it would leave me in a better place to move forward. Embarrassing, as we (Jenny, Ginny, and I) have been working on just moving forward while writing and saving editing for afterward. And that last scene is the one I'm still having trouble writing.

August has been better. While I am having trouble getting that last bit of the fight scene to work, I have 184 pages on the main story and, thanks to some great advice, I'm going to bounce ahead a little bit and write an interesting scene that came to me last week before vacation. And one that should work to bring two other characters back into the story from the fringes they've been at for a bit.

And I've started looking at the second level edits of my first finished novel. And I've gotten a new prologue and a few ideas for at least the new first chapter. So, that's pretty good.

I probably should also not forget that August also saw the start of the blog.

So, all and all, summer has not been bad. It hasn't been fabulous, but it's been good enough that my dearly-beloved's moratorium on the computer this past weekend didn't leave me all panicky about getting something -anything- done. And it's really helped. I did bring a notebook for paper ideas. The one night I did any work in it, I outlined that scene for my main story. I think it's going to be pretty good. I have a lot of hope for it. But, I had a nice, quiet weekend away and didn't feel the pressure to have a ton done to show for the time off from work. I got to enjoy time with family and the lovely Maine coastline.

Did you enjoy your weekend? Was it a break? Or were you able to get work done? Do any of you feel that strange sadness to see the summer gone or am I just being strange?

Passive-Aggressive Hell

My rhino of revision is really enjoying himself this week...

Ok, I should backtrack before I continue with that thought. I've sort of nicknamed my writing process. Though my actual drafting and revising process follows Jennifer's, I have affectionately given the writing and revising stages totem animals. My writing stage has a writing monkey. I think this is because when I write I like to have total abandon. I like to be able to throw all my (literary) shit (ideas) around and take chances-- because sometimes the shit will stick. My revision stage has a Revising Rhino. My rhino bounds across my novel, ruthless, getting the plot into order, fixing massive continuity gaps and in general intimidating all my bad writing while protecting the small nuggets that are worth salvaging. My rhino is fearless, but fierce-- I am slightly terrified of him.

This week I'm finishing up my first read through. My draft is very rough. I've got some really lovely scenes and a plot that crumbles in the beginning and then smashes together at the end. I'm thrilled to finally be getting to the end of what has been (for me) an intolerable step in my writing process. I hate re-reading what I've written, because that's when my passive-aggressive streak takes over. My writing doubts for this week: my main character is annoying, my plot is not as original as I thought it was, someone else has written a better book on this topic, omg--did I seriously spend eight months working on this? it's awful.

So, I've spent most of my time convincing myself all first drafts are awful and that the only way to go from here is up. I'm looking forward to this week's challenge-- re-plotting and re-writing scenes that don't work. I feel more proactive and hopefully this will keep my inner passive-aggressive streak at bay.

So, spill it, do any of your suffer a passive-aggressive streak as you revise? Are these doubts normal? Or should I seriously consider another profession?

Adventures in Editing II: Returning to the Scene of the Crime

As you may have guessed, I'm a bit of a corny writer. I love puns. But as I've completed my read-through portion of my second round of editing my first novel -- my murder mystery -- I'm beginning to wonder if it might be a crime against writing.

I'm trying to figure out how, when I read through this the first time and proofread and edited and finagled, I missed just how terrible the first five chapters are. Or is this something that every writer encounters about their first book?

When I sent it out for the first round of friend-reads, I felt it was pretty solid. Now, I know why only one person sent me back a response.

But now I know what I need to do -- or at least I think I know what I need to do -- starting all the way back at the prologue. I'm plotting it out and readjusting my time line. We'll see how that goes.

Going Back, Going Forward

So, in order to reorder my creativity, I've decided to make a two-fold alteration this week in my usual process: I'm going to write one of the future scenes in my active-writing story (thank you for the suggestion, Mike!) and go back to do some editing in an old one.

I like the idea of changing things up. I think a week-long trial won't kill any of my hopes to keep things moving in my main story and I'll get a little more work in on one of my finished stories.

I am a little worried about going back to editing.

I remember this amazing glow when I finished this novel. It might be akin to the feeling you get when you've given birth. (I don't know as I've only recently done the first and never the second -- well, perhaps some day, just not yet.) You've spent months putting energy, focus, and emotion into building, creating this thing piece by piece, block by block, and once you've gotten there there's relief and pride and accomplishment. I did this. I made this. Wow.

The wonderful flush has worn off – and has been for some time now – and now I'm looking back at this thing I've made and every time I look at it, I realize I'm faced with a challenge more daunting than finishing my first novel length work. Editing my first novel length work. I've had a first read through. And a first run of edits. And I've had my moments of cringing and asking myself "how am I ever going to make this work?" Well, I feel better about it than I had when I went through my first run of edits, but as I look into it again, I know I've still got a long way to go.

I've kept a running list of positives (Relatively cohesive! Interesting mythos! Fun characters!) to go along with the negatives in hopes of keeping some perspective. And maybe to give me some things to remember for the future.

Yes. I admit it. I am enamored with the comma. It is (apparently) my foremost punctuation device. It's something I'm working correcting on now: I found a paragraph editing the first round with only two sentences in it. A paragraph that lasts half a page because each sentence goes on with Lyttonesque fervor. Beautiful images, though. I have no doubt that I will find more run on sentences as I go through it another time.

My plot line is a little muddled, and even after the first round of edits, I'm still trying to work that out. But, I have a few ideas after time being away from it, and I'm hoping to see what I can do to make that work.

Well, it'll be something of an experiment, but I'm hoping it goes well. If anyone else has any other suggestions about how I might be able to get my creativity going again, drop me a line.

Here's to this week.

Keeping My Head Above Water -- Or: Surviving the Doldrums

I have reached a point in my work right now that I'm just going to call the doldrums. It's an odd place: I'd been going along at a fine clip for a while and then, suddenly, it's like my sails deflated. My speed has dropped from 60 to what comparatively feels like almost zero. It's not that I don't have idea of where I'm going or even great scenes plotted out in my head. It's that I've just lost the energy. Creatively speaking.

Ginny had to remind me that these periods have to happen. That you have to slow down or burn out. And that you have to refresh your creative self. But, after nearly a year of nearly consistent production and very few fallow periods, it has been somewhat frightening. I keep asking myself if I've lost it. If some how I have completely burned out.

But, she's right. Everyone needs to take a little breather. And it's not like I've stopped altogether.

But, I'm really not sure: how can I work on refreshing my creative winds? Does anyone have any suggestions, because, I'm certainly open to them.

When to Fold....(Letting Go of a Novel)

Sometimes, no matter how good your intentions are, you have to just let a project go. Last year I wrote over 50k in a novel that showed promise. It made me feel as if this could be the project I finally finished. However, I put the novel on hold last November to work on a 'bright shiny new idea' during NaNoWriMo. When I returned to my novel all I could see was the plot holes, characters who were all over the place and all the mistakes I'd made. I set the document down again, this time determined not to return to it.

My novel didn't have that lustre it had pre-Nano, and if I'm honest, this particular project never had the same pull as my Nano novel. It was a hard lesson to learn, but for me this first novel was an exercise in getting a routine started. This novel had been all about possibilities. Was it possible for me to meet a goal each week (yes)? Was it possible for me to actually sustain a plot for more than 100 pages (yes)? Was it possible for me to create engaging characters with their own stories and agendas (yes)?

If all of these possibilities existed you are probably wondering why I let my story go-- and the answer is that it needed a major structural overhaul. I would have had to edit the early draft I'd created, look carefully at the book (it was trying to be both chick lit and literary fiction-- not a line that is easily straddled) and replot major sections. I was too close to the story, too close to what I'd written (and what I wished I'd written) to actually make the changes I'd need to salvage my first attempt.

In order to move forward, I had to let my beautiful story go. The decision felt a lot like giving up, but the more I thought about it the more I knew it was the right thing to do (for me). If I didn't let that story go for a while it would be a constant battle of rewrites, doubts and ultimately four of five drafts that were each different from my original concept.

Now, almost a year since I set the novel aside I am beginning to clearly see how to shape and edit my ideas. I am finally feeling that passion for the story and characters that kept me writing about them. I'm not quite ready yet to return to that particular novel, but I know that when I do it will be with a solid map (outline) and compass. Because, I still love this story-- and it would be shame to never do justice to a wonderful cast of characters who entertained me for months.