Unaccomplished

2009 was kind of a bumper year for me. At the very end of 2008 I switched jobs and wound up (finally) in my dream job (woot). I finished my first novel mid 2009 and successfully completely NaNoWriMo for the second year in a row. Overall, I was feeling very accomplished-- very much like everything was on track for 2010 to be the best year of all.

And then... editing struck. My first novel had some really lovely concepts and ideas-- but the book I’d written and the book I started out writing were two very different stories. Stories that would need comprehensive months of editing to merge into one readable draft. Our writing group began to set deadlines and make up schedules to swap around our stories... At the time I was completely in denial about the amount of work it would take to produce a draft I felt vaguely confident in showing to other people (even my most trusted readers). So, when the first deadline came up, I had to admit I had failed. I was unable to send out a draft-- but I still had a draft to read from my friend. So, I was now editing a rough manuscript and reading a friend’s draft. Then, the next deadline came along and I was again still working on my novel, editing my friend’s draft and then editing a second draft. Everything had snowballed quite quickly and I was buried.

For a few weeks I felt completely overwhelmed and defeated. I made no progress on any fronts-- not my own work or my friends. I hadn’t just let myself down but now I was letting down my group. I was more upset to see my group let down, if I’m honest.

Then, I began to regroup. My first novel had to be broken before I would be able to see any real progress. I had to get through they very shaky beginning (and the eight new scenes I had to write to tie the two stories together). So, I spoke to my first friend and she agreed it was more important to get my story moving. Two weeks of just concentrating on my book meant I was able to ‘break the back’ of the whole mess. I was able to set a goal for editing my novel and working on hers again. Just taking a tiny bit more time meant I was able to get everything back on track.

Here is the big lesson I’ve learned-- when you work as a group you have to do what works best for the group, but you have to remember what works best for you. I am not great with deadlines. I usually have to set one, then push it back a few times. And as I’m not a professional writer and I’m doing everything in my ‘spare’ time this is fine. If this was my ‘day job’ then I’d just have to embrace deadlines and make them happen (I do just that very successfully in my day job). I work well with small weekly goals. A tiny checklist of things I need to do to move my work forwards. A huge looming deadline doesn’t generally work for me. Maybe it’s my ADHD-- but something so big tends to boggle my brain. It makes me only see the big end result and not the small obtainable steps I need to break everything down into to get there. Now, I’ve got the quiet confidence I was lacking to admit when what I’m working on needs more time. It’s not a race, and while I’m still working on my first novel I’ve finished editing my friend’s first novel and am about two third’s of the way through my second friend’s. I am able to get their stories back to them so that I am no longer letting them down as well. Which is beyond important to me. My work can wait-- but making sure my group is getting the support they need really matters to me. I really don’t mind being behind-- because at least being ‘behind’ I’m making progress. Before, when I was in denial and trying to struggle to stay on schedule, I was just spinning my wheels.

I will never again have the freedom I did in 2008 to just write one project. Going forward I will always be writing something and editing something (maybe not at the same time-- but they will definitely overlap). So, rather than look at 2010 as a series of failures-- or missed goals, I am looking at it as a chance to learn a new skill base. A new way of working on multiple projects that ends in good results.

Write with the passion of a four-year-old blowing bubbles and revise with the discipline of a Yoga- master with OCD!

Jenny and Angel both bring up really good points about outlines. Much like Angel, I am still not sold on the usefulness of an outline while writing a first draft.

Here's why:

First Drafts are Overwhelming
Or overwhelming enough to me without the stress of having to hit plot points and character arcs (not to mention plot twists and subplots, whew). For me, this is where my characters get to feel their oats, they get to tell me who they are. I can't tell you the amount of times that I think a character is going to be one type of person and I'm proved wrong by his/her next action. If I had to follow an outline I'm not sure I would have been able to give the characters the room they need to develop. Or, even worse I'm not sure I'd be able to get through all of the plot points needed to get to the end of the book.

That said, I never start a story that I don't know the ending to
Actually, I usually begin every story knowing the end first. I have a rough idea of the plot, what has to happen and what the characters need to do from the start to finish in their journeys. Usually I know the pivotal plot points and maybe a few other relevant details. I tend to do a lot of 'pre-outlining' before I start writing. This is all generally in my head and never makes it onto paper or screen. I am awful at beginnings though, which is maybe why I encourage myself to write without knowing the beginning first (I just start with the action). This usually means my beginnings change quite a bit between drafts.

However, that said, now that I am editing my first novel, I am completely convinced of the need for an outline for revisions. My first draft is a train wreck, mostly because about halfway through my novel I changed my initial ideas about what the focus of the novel was. Which has made the story much richer, and was something I felt able to do, because I hadn't pre-plotted out everything. Because while writing I allowed myself the flexibility to see my characters as changeable and capable of a growth I hadn't outlined or predicted.

Now, that I am actually re-writing this beast (and it is a beast!) having an outline that gives me a clear set of checkpoints to hit, makes sense of my plot and helps me to chart each of my characters growth is vital. When I began revising I read through each of the chapters made corrections and jumped in feet first. This seemed like a good idea. An idea free of procrastination and filled with actions. I am good with actions. When I have any excuse to procrastinate I will. However, I found myself becoming more and more confused by the narrative of my plot. I was overwhelmed by my story. I needed to break things down scene by scene (or chapter by chapter).

And I did.... with much procrastination (I am still awful about this!) I devised an outline that has allowed me to go back through my story and actually make sense of everything I have written. What seemed like an overwhelming wreckage of writing before is now a manageable story-- albeit a story that needs some changes. I have been using my outline now to revise my novel and I couldn't be happier. When I finish my second book-- sometime in the spring, the first thing I'll do is draw up an outline. I am not sure I could revise without an outline. I am confident that for me, having an outline while writing is prohibitive, but while revising it's a necessity.

Does this make me still on the fence about outlines? Well, probably not. I do think outlines are necessary; they are the nuts and bolts of writing. They are the compass and maps of a story (ok, or GPS/Magellan/Tom-Tom/pick your own SatNav system). You need some sort of well thought out plan to make it to the end-game, to a finished novel that you feel confident showing to other people. However, when I'm writing, I still think I just need to listen to my characters-- even if later on I wished I hadn't. All's fair in first drafts and second, no?